Shellen says:

It's like 11:57pm and i am heading off to snoozey land soon. Without having a good night sleep for the past few days is so torturous! my eyes are so swollen and puffed up. steamboat with the hommies was great! practically spend the whole day with my mum. =)

and i will be hitting town tml! with brotha and teck. and teck is in a serious shopping mood i tell you! and it's been a year since i last saw brotha and i am glad he asked me out.

it made me recall about the good old secondary school days, with the secondary 4 days as my favourite! ok. u guys can close this page now. haha. i bet this is a long entry.

jere used to send me to the bus stop,and he will take cab to school. ha. he will help me carry my art portfolio and stuff.and we will bicker all the way till bus 81 came. den i will meet tezel and tricia at the very first bus stop after the TPE. den tricia and i will alight at drive 10 for some morning drinks while tezel will continue the journey to school to meet theresa. and after which the 4 of us will "gather" at the study area and make our way to the quadrangle. and with stupid gerald song, we make so much noise and stuff! haha. while on the way back to class, i will drop by brotha's class and talk with him, then dropping by every class to say hi and give hugs before actually arriving at my own. and once i was late for mr low's maths, i was asked to write a 500 words essay why i shouldn't be late for class. ha. u should have seen what i've wrote! lessons proceeded and stuff. den recess time! as usual, the 4 of us! ha.tricia and i will get the drinks while theresa and tezel will get the food! and after we have finish, we made our way to the snacks stall to smuggle some into the class! and we always get away with eating in class. the teachers love us so much luh! hee hee. oh! i suddenly remember the dispute with class 4E2, about being civilised! haha. and you wouldn't want to guess who kept the flame of the conflict alive. x) and i remember 4E5 is a super united class with our super steady mdm cheah. we even go against the stupid discipline mistress together! cool or not!? oh ya! and my short skirt, oversized shirt,earrings,nose stud, dyed hair and colourful polka dots socks always made me the target of that stupid DM/OM. and after school, tezel and i will head to loyang point for our favourite tom yam maggi from god-dad's stall! haha. and how could i forget miss momo! haha. and our favourite place! paya labar's singpost! i still frequent there so much now. i lovee that place. and those sweet little gifts which we always exchanged! and how could secondary school life be complete without letters!? i got a big box of them man! and after school programmes is always the same. either LP/TM with tezel,singpost/HLM/bedok/TM with momo, occassionally out with Mr song as well and meeting robin&junting&jere at night. i miss the 3Ts. =) and the bookshop aunty! always calling me sa ren sa ren (say "kill people" in chinese). apparently she does not know how to pronounce my name luh. and whenever she sees me coming, she will shout "sa ren, u come alrdy huh? faster make way for her if not she will kill you". [direct translation]. the aunty so funny luh. needless to say, my face turned red luh! and whenever she has new stocks, she will share it with us excitedly! so cute can.

i miss those innocent days so much. alot of things had happened, and i wouldn't say i am pleased with what has happened or is happening now. i feel disgusted with myself. i don't know what i am doing anymore. my future seems so bleak. all the plans made beforehand are still waiting to be executed. but i am way too lazy to start somewhere.

marcus said " i don't see the motivated shellen anymore, you must do sth abt it"

nick said" you should get out more. you shouldn't dwell so much on _______"

ken said " it hurts me to see you in this state. where's the shellen everyone likes?"

ok. i am like so emo now can. i hate myself for this too. and i dun like to see the worried looks plastered on my girls' pretty faces. i am so sorry that i've become sucha bitter gourd!

alright...
time to wake up.
time to seriously plan.
time to fulfill those rejected dates.
time to stop being an anti social freak.
time to let go of the past.
time to stop my complains and whines
time to let go of the drifting log.
time to actually start living.

i've wasted 4 yrs. it's more than enough.